can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
