This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
