RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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