I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
