Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
pop tarts are not kleenex
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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