A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
