so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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