if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
