Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
As shirtless as possible
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
