Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
