Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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