he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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