Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
