If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
