I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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