you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
