He is an equal opportunity slut.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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