Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
