Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
