my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
