Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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