Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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