Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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