id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
