Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
