Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I have post one night stand depression
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