i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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