i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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