i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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