Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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