Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
