Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
BRING THE BAGELS
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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