is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
