My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
