If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
