a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
