dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think people are normalizing furries
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
