Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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