i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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