Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
