last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The air was thick with penises
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
