I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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