Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
