At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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