Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
