I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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