tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I wear drunk well.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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