Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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