I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
