He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We are two peas in an std pod
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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