dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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