I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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