Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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