I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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