I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
